First Month on the Journey of Self Discovery
I began by curating a list of curriculum materials from various sources and compiled lists of reviews. There are quite a lot of self-help books out there, but not all of them are actually helpful. The hardest part is the reality of what works for some people does not always end up working so well for me. In order to avoid reading a lot of unhelpful material- I then narrowed my list by inputting questions like "what keeps me from making changes on my own?" or "what am I really after with this research?" These helped me narrow down my list.
Once I had a list to work from, the next question was availability. I wanted to start with easily accessible resources to make sure I was heading down the right track before I invested loads of money into purchasing unhelpful material. I am by nature a reader, so I am signed up for Kindle Unlimited Books which is where I started. Here are the following resources I started my curriculum with:
"Find Your Passion: 25 Questions You Must Ask Yourself" by Henri Juntila
"Follow Your Heart: 21 Days to a Happier, More Fulfilling Life"also by Herni Juntila
So the author used to be a professional poker player and wasn't fulfilled- so he changed things up and started writing these books. Seemed like someone I could relate to, as that is often how my big change life choices begin... everything is fine, but I don't feel fulfilled.
I also added Brene Brown online TED Talks and Presentations (She has several books- wanted to get a feel before buying). I watched these while on the treadmill- they had some really great elements I could get behind.
So, I was on a pretty good roll. Reading, watching, journaling, taking notes, looking up additional information- basically being a typical student studying a curriculum. THEN
COVID-19 PANDEMIC
Suddenly the world was in a tail spin and my regular, boring, everyday life suddenly felt like a luxury I would not get to enjoy for much longer. It took about two weeks from when I realized that things were going to get bad in a way that was unprecedented to working at home and basically being isolated by myself. I am pretty sure that there are many people out there who ended up in the same type of whirlwind situation. The hardest part, was how fast life changed.
It felt like everyday I was standing on a sandy beach and if I shifted my weight even just a fraction, the sand would move and throw me off balance. I went through a vast range of emotions. It was hard. Hard for everyone.
So now, I am working from home. I have developed a schedule that allows me to complete my working hours and continue my "Self Discovery Curriculum." The positives of the pandemic situation is that many online educational materials have opened up for people to use. So I was able to add "The Science of Well-Being" which is a highly popular course offered at Yale on the science and practice of happiness. This course is being offered through Coursera for free, so I signed up.
The journey of self-discovery most definitely took an unexpected sojourn, it is offering me an opportunity to truly isolate myself and reflect on what it is that makes me happy. I will take that silver lining in this impossibly unpredictable situation we find ourselves in. This can surely be called an adventure- but sure not the one I was expecting.
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Wednesday, February 26, 2020
One Year
One Year
When looking forward it can seem so far away. When looking back it can seem as if it passed in the blink of an eye. The one thing that my adventures have always taught me- one year can make all the difference in the world.
It has been a while since I have posted in the bloggersphere (3 1/2 years to be exact). There are many reasons why that is the case, but none of them are of relative importance as of this moment. Things happen. Life happens. Time escapes you when you do not give it your attention. I return now because I am on a new adventure of self-discovery and realize that I miss writing. Miss collecting the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head and putting them out into the world. This new adventure comes on the heels of great change, that started with the hardest decision I have ever had to make. So that is where we shall start this new adventure section- from the decision that set it in motion.
I am no stranger to hard decisions. I have made many in the course of my life. However, I find that the hardest decisions, the ones that cause the greatest amount of worry, strife, stress, fear, anguish, or trepidation are the ones that inevitably will impact others beyond yourself. This was true when I chose to leave the classroom 7 years ago. It was truer still when I chose to end an engagement.
Though the decision may have seemed to come out of nowhere- to be "rash" as they say- to some; those who had been listening knew it did not come out of nowhere, and most certainly was not "rash." It was a daily battle that was being waged inside of me. It was a conversation that was held in limited terms with people outside of the relationship. It was a conversation that was not truly understood within the relationship. I cannot speak for the other parties involved, but for me it was a situation I had been thinking about, praying about, journaling about, meditating on, and generally focused on for some time. Then one day came in which I knew in the very depths of my heart that the only way forward meant hurting someone I truly cared about, so deeply, that they would likely never be a part of my life in the future. That part- that part sucked.
So one year ago- today- I said the words that had to be said and started down the road towards a very unclear future. In the course of the following year, I grieved. I don't think we realize how hard it is to grieve a dream that is no longer a possibility in the format you thought it would be. There are hard realities that I had to face, elements that would not be apart of my future in the way I once hoped for. So, I bought a house.
Buying a house was something I had control over. It was something I had been dreaming of for over 10 years. Something I had been working towards and could do mostly on my own. I did not have to wait for someone else to make it happen. I just had to wait on the right house. Then, there it was at the exact same time my mother had a major health scare. I had no time to second guess the buying decision as my time was split between work, hospitals, paperwork for the house, and packing. Then it was mine.
The house became my focus and I poured my energy and attention into it. I had some seriously dedicated friends that were there to help ease the transition, but eventually, they too had things to do. There were days when I thought to myself- "am I crazy, I can't take care of this by myself." I would spend several days talking myself into tackling a project that seemed too overwhelming, too impossible. Eventually, I would dive in. Sometimes that project went smoothly, sometimes it did not. When it didn't, I reminded myself- it is my house, I am the only one who has to live with it! It helped me get through the new reality of living alone once again. I worked to try and get a routine that doesn't involve eating dinner on the couch in front of the TV. It is all still a work in progress- but a new adventure requires only the first step- others will follow in time.
Along with this is seeking myself. How to really love myself. How to find the things that really make me happy. Finding the things that truly fulfill me. One thing that has stayed true and in my awareness is my drive for knowledge and how much I enjoy the process of learning. I have curated a list of educational materials to aid me in my new adventure of self-discovery. I will share it with you as I go. Ultimately, what I hope you will take away from this post is: (1) Being true to yourself is not always easy- but if guided by the heart, will be worth it (2) That you are never too old to seek out self-knowledge, self-love, and self-care (3) That you do not have to go to a foreign land to seek adventure!
To the next adventure- the year of seeking out my truth!
When looking forward it can seem so far away. When looking back it can seem as if it passed in the blink of an eye. The one thing that my adventures have always taught me- one year can make all the difference in the world.
It has been a while since I have posted in the bloggersphere (3 1/2 years to be exact). There are many reasons why that is the case, but none of them are of relative importance as of this moment. Things happen. Life happens. Time escapes you when you do not give it your attention. I return now because I am on a new adventure of self-discovery and realize that I miss writing. Miss collecting the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head and putting them out into the world. This new adventure comes on the heels of great change, that started with the hardest decision I have ever had to make. So that is where we shall start this new adventure section- from the decision that set it in motion.
I am no stranger to hard decisions. I have made many in the course of my life. However, I find that the hardest decisions, the ones that cause the greatest amount of worry, strife, stress, fear, anguish, or trepidation are the ones that inevitably will impact others beyond yourself. This was true when I chose to leave the classroom 7 years ago. It was truer still when I chose to end an engagement.
Though the decision may have seemed to come out of nowhere- to be "rash" as they say- to some; those who had been listening knew it did not come out of nowhere, and most certainly was not "rash." It was a daily battle that was being waged inside of me. It was a conversation that was held in limited terms with people outside of the relationship. It was a conversation that was not truly understood within the relationship. I cannot speak for the other parties involved, but for me it was a situation I had been thinking about, praying about, journaling about, meditating on, and generally focused on for some time. Then one day came in which I knew in the very depths of my heart that the only way forward meant hurting someone I truly cared about, so deeply, that they would likely never be a part of my life in the future. That part- that part sucked.
So one year ago- today- I said the words that had to be said and started down the road towards a very unclear future. In the course of the following year, I grieved. I don't think we realize how hard it is to grieve a dream that is no longer a possibility in the format you thought it would be. There are hard realities that I had to face, elements that would not be apart of my future in the way I once hoped for. So, I bought a house.
Buying a house was something I had control over. It was something I had been dreaming of for over 10 years. Something I had been working towards and could do mostly on my own. I did not have to wait for someone else to make it happen. I just had to wait on the right house. Then, there it was at the exact same time my mother had a major health scare. I had no time to second guess the buying decision as my time was split between work, hospitals, paperwork for the house, and packing. Then it was mine.
The house became my focus and I poured my energy and attention into it. I had some seriously dedicated friends that were there to help ease the transition, but eventually, they too had things to do. There were days when I thought to myself- "am I crazy, I can't take care of this by myself." I would spend several days talking myself into tackling a project that seemed too overwhelming, too impossible. Eventually, I would dive in. Sometimes that project went smoothly, sometimes it did not. When it didn't, I reminded myself- it is my house, I am the only one who has to live with it! It helped me get through the new reality of living alone once again. I worked to try and get a routine that doesn't involve eating dinner on the couch in front of the TV. It is all still a work in progress- but a new adventure requires only the first step- others will follow in time.
Along with this is seeking myself. How to really love myself. How to find the things that really make me happy. Finding the things that truly fulfill me. One thing that has stayed true and in my awareness is my drive for knowledge and how much I enjoy the process of learning. I have curated a list of educational materials to aid me in my new adventure of self-discovery. I will share it with you as I go. Ultimately, what I hope you will take away from this post is: (1) Being true to yourself is not always easy- but if guided by the heart, will be worth it (2) That you are never too old to seek out self-knowledge, self-love, and self-care (3) That you do not have to go to a foreign land to seek adventure!
To the next adventure- the year of seeking out my truth!
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